“just count me out.” Said Wilfred as he laid there in the dirt,

A shoein rasp behind his ear, a hoof print on his shirt.

“I’ll handle this,” said Freddie.  “You just get outta the way

This sorry bag of buzzard bait has met his match today!”


The horse weren’t much to look at, just the kind a trader’d buy

But you knew that he was trouble when you looked him in the eye.


It was small and mean and glittered, as deep as Jacob’s well,

Like lookin’ down the smokestack of the furnace room in Hell.


Freddie grabbed a set of nippers and bent to grab a hoof.

When he woke up….his shoein’ chaps were danglin’ from the roof!


His shirt tail hung in tatters and his watch had come unwound.

The nippers orbit finally peaked.  They clattered to the ground.


“You get a twitch.” Said Freddie, “I’m about to clean his clock.”

He tied a rope around his neck and fished it past the hock

Then pulled back on the sideline to install a little fear

When Pigeye bit a good-sized chunk from Wilfred’s offside ear.


Wilfred tangled in the sideline and tried to navigate

Whilst draggin’ round the horse correl like alligator bait.

Freddie tried to stop this trollin’ with a loop around the head,

And it might’a worked if Freddie’d only roped the horse instead!


But, of course, he caught pore Wilfred, who left a funny track…

Sorta like an oil slick, when Freddie jerked the slack.

By now the boys were testy and tired of all this travail

They figured they’d be done by noon but they’d not even drove a nail.


“Go get the boss’s Humvee. We’ll winch him to a post.”

They got the cayuse necked up tight, and set to work…..almost

Cause the halter broke and Pigeye walked the length of Freddies back.


They rolled beneath the axel like two lovers in the sack.


Freddie heard the sound of gunfire like a thousand amplifiers,

“I’ve got the sucker pinned down, Fred, I shot out all the tires!”


It was dark when Wilfred stood up and laid his hammer down.

A gross of crooked horse shoe nails lay scattered all around.


The place looked like a cross between the tomb of Gen’ral Grant

And a puppy chow explosion at the Alpo dog food plant!

Wilfred couldn’t move his elbow but he grinned and proudly said,

“Ol Pard, we done a good day’s work,” to what was left of Fred.


Freddie crawled out from the wreckage

And staggered to one knee,

“What say we wait till mornin’

to put on the other three…?”


Author unknown